Cat-leopard-monkey-kangaroo at large in Wiltshire
This creature is currently roaming the hills of Wiltshire, and is a different creature by every account. Other reports have claimed that the creature has three heads, and is as tall as a house.
A recent update reports that a gang of peasants are following it through the misty hills, holding burning torches. It is believed that the creature will lead them to the lair of a witch, who has been terrorising the area recently, cursing the Swindon population with a slightly higher incidence of warts than usual, and a reluctance to get out of bed in the morning. The witch is expected to be burned, on account of it being a first offence.
Familiar?
A recent update reports that a gang of peasants are following it through the misty hills, holding burning torches. It is believed that the creature will lead them to the lair of a witch, who has been terrorising the area recently, cursing the Swindon population with a slightly higher incidence of warts than usual, and a reluctance to get out of bed in the morning. The witch is expected to be burned, on account of it being a first offence.
Familiar?
Locals in a more imaginative area of the country are currently searching moorlands for a "rat-fish-ant-bluetit-elephant" which is said to have been spotted by residents Mr Leary and Mr Morrison whilst out tripping in the countryside.
The rat-fish-ant-bluetit-elephant is not thought to be a danger as there are no reports of attacks on livestock. Several unconfirmed sightings though are leading the police to speculate that the mysterious creature may have a penchant for stealing bicycles, bouncing on clouds, travelling through time and 'like, generally being mega-chilled about the whole predicament'.
The Daily Mail has retreated to its command bunker. Kate Aidie has come out of retirement and John Simpson has put on his Burkha. ITV is running a reality TV series based on the sightings and the UN has called for an end to persecution of rat-fish-ant-bluetit-elephants. Labour and the LibDems have called for better legislation and regulation of people's imagination whilst the Tories are lamenting that they put all their hounds down and threw out their pinks as soon as it was apparent that they weren't going to win the election.
The search continues.
Posted by
Ben |
Tue Jun 07, 01:25:00 pm