The Policy Blender

I'm so pleased.

Posted by Matt at 7:09 pm | Permalink | Comments

I personally think the forthcoming election and the relative merits of the two parties isn't a subject worth discussing. Much as it grates with me that someone can do something as unpopular as the invasion of Iraq proved (again, arguably right, but not arguably popular) and still end up in an unassailable position, Tony has. Good luck to Mr Howard and all that, but it's not looking likely. And as Ben says, they're almost indistinguishable now. It's like that episode of Futurama, where the Republicans and Democrats put John Jackson and Jack Johnson up for the presidential election.

I think the really important question of the day is whether Camilla should be made The Queen when Liz dies. It's one of those titles that, in the context, has no worth in itself whatsoever. I mean, isn't the first lady just the woman the President is sleeping with? (Or, in thepossible future context of Hilary Clinton, the man the President is sharing. I'm sure they'll come up with an interesting new title should that eventuality arise.) But to take a title which essentially means you managed to divert the attentions of a 50 year old man with a reduced gene pool, and then say, no, that's too good for you... the country must really hate Camilla.

Posted by Matt at 1:05 pm | Permalink | Comments

Opinion, By Ben Everitt


Remember the Atkins Deit? You know the one, it was all the rage a few years ago - eat all the nice things like steak and eggs and cheese and look like Brad Pitt, or Claudia Schiffer, or whoever. It had amazing results too - if people could face being off the booze and bread - the weight just dropped off. But there was a snag: you had to keep doing it to keep thin. We all probably know someone who tried it, they maybe even stuck at it long enough to drop into a size ten dress or see their todger when they pee, but chances are that they are now more-or-less the un-supermodel-like figure that they were before. That's because, to be honest, eating burgers without the buns and no chips is a bit of an arse, and beer is one of the key staple food-groups for men.

So what am I getting at with this elaborate and tenuous metaphor? No, nothing to do with Prescot, though he does have a part to play in his own special way. The point is this: the New Labour Project was concocted and conducted with only one intention - Power. Specifically, winning the 1997 election. And it worked, in 1997 New Labour won the election in dazzling Brad Pitt, Claudia Schiffer style, with glitz and glamour and a portion of cheese so large that it makes us quite queasy to think that back then we swallowed it.

Take nothing away from Blair-Campbell-Mandleson, the New Labour Atkins regime was hard, they had to do without clause four, swallow some distasteful doses of market force capitalism, and eat their public services without extra bread. But they got through it. And they're committed dieters, in 2001, the New Labour Project won the 1997 election again. We were a bit bored of the same diet, but Brad was still looking just as good, Claudia scrubs up well with an airbrush and all seemed on track for the diet.

Here we are: 2005. It looks as if the diet is flagging a bit. It's been eight years but some of the less committed New Labour Diet Group are still wincing under the strict discipline of the diet that keeps them in power. Backbenchers, former Cabinet Ministers are back to their old 'buy lots of cake - eat lots of cake' days, and that doesn't sit well with the electorate. After 18 years of Thatcherite slimming, they like their government lean and their pockets heavy.

Got to keep going, got to keep winning that 1997 election. The great dietician Campbell is back, scraping the mud off the bottom of the barrel and slinging handfuls of the stuff at the Tories. The cellulite is being covered up once again, this is going to have to be the quickest loss of weight since Rene finished filming Bridget Jones. Put out the young Tory sounding ones for the cameras, hide the un-photogenic lumbering old trade unionists and everybody smile. Pretend like we care about what they think and for God's sake breathe in.

Tony Blair may be dressing his party in baggy clothes and poncing around like Brad Pitt, or Claudia Schiffer, or whoever, but underneath the dieters are losing the battle. Bit by bit, the pounds are piling back on, distasteful stuff like low taxes and individual freedom are being replaced by pre-packed foods with the illusion of goodness like stealth taxes, ID cards and bans on this that and the other. The diet is slipping, the spare tyres are showing through and the public can smell desperation measures.

Labour has pretended to be the Tories for the past two elections. It's latest manifesto is almost identical to those of Hauge, Duncan-Smith and Howard, but whereas the Tory years were a careful balance of health eating and exercise, Labour has proved itself to be a fad dieter. Beware the sheep in wolf's clothing, if it's a choice between the Tory party with Tory policies, and the New Labour Project with Tory policies I'll be choosing the Tories: at least they mean it.

Posted by Ben at 2:40 pm | Permalink | Comments