The Policy Blender

Another little hint that all is not well at the top of New Labour appeared today, as Tony Blair reiterated the comments made by his wife Cherie that the recent terrorist attacks must not be used as an excuse to erode civil liberties.

Following last week's useless attempt by Al-Qaeda's 2nd XV to repeat the events of the weeks before, Home Secretary Charles Clarke issued a gleeful warning that he may have to suspend civil liberties in the wake of the events.


Home Sec: Judge, Jury and Executioner

The fact that Blair has waited until Clarke is safely out of the way on holiday to rebut the former communist's authoritarian urges does not indicate that there is a strong relationship between the two.

Further, the fact that the traditional Downing Street 'feeler' (leaking a controversial policy in advance to gauge media reaction) had to be conducted through Cherie would seem to show that the PM is running out of dogs bodies to do his dirty work.

Are the players manoeuvring themselves for a check mate? Has Gordon at last realised that Blair will never stand down? Is there someone else in the frame? We'll keep you posted…

Posted by Ben at 4:13 pm | Permalink | Comments

By Daily Mail Feature Writer Phil Page

It was just another ordinary peaceful evening in rural Grantham. The good country folk had long since turned in to bed and a calm and secure silence had veiled the town like a blanket of serenity over the idyllic bedspread of rural English sobriety. Not here the modernistic preoccupations of city dwelling, with the twenty-four-seven lifestyles, the stress and strain of commercial imperatives and constant din of multiculturalism. No, Grantham was set aside from that- a relic of how idyllic and wonderful England can be.

Grantham had thought it had played its part on the global stage. It rested, peacefully, that wonderful idyllic night, secure in the knowledge that its role as provider of gravity to the world through its most famous son, Isaac Thatcher, had brought it calm and tranquillity this idyllic wonderful night. The good, rural, idyllic country folk slept soundly in their wonderful, serene, country beds safe in their knowledge that their wonderful, idyllic town's most famous daughter, Margaret Newton, had secured a lasting and significant place for the idyllic, wonderful town in the history of civilisation.


Grantham: idyllic rural scene torn apart by terror

Then, at eleven o'clock that wonderful idyllic night, the serene, rural, peaceful scene was shattered by violence and hatred. The peaceful air was pierced by sirens; the veil of tranquillity was abruptly torn off by the evil hand of terrorists. Armed police boarded the night train to London, where all had previously been peaceful and serene, now there was the harsh and oppressive air of terror.

Terror had been abruptly brought to Grantham by train. Terrifying terror pierced the tranquil air like a bullet piecing the peaceful air of somewhere very peaceful. Abruptly the serenity was terrorised by terror as the train that had peacefully glided into the idyllic rural station brought terrible terror to town…

Posted by Ben at 11:07 am | Permalink | Comments

A source at the US-run "Secret Prison Complex Somewhere Near Baghdad Airport" (SPCSNBA) has indicated to Policyblender.com that the former dictator's therapy programme is achieving some notable successes.

It is believed that former Big Brother psychologist, former Oxford Don, Dr Peter Collett is currently overseeing the Butcher of Baghdad's rehabilitation programme.

The Butcher of Baghdad is said to be a "natural entertainer" and has been almost single-handedly manning the SPCSNBA's prison radio station. His wacky off-beat sense of humour is a hit with Guards and prisoners alike, although Dr Collet has expressed concerns that playlists often seem overly reliant on tracks by heavy metalers Anthrax and Arabian ska-miesters the Baghdaddies.


DJ Gasman: mixin' up the medicine

Saddam is known affectionately as 'DJ Gasman' and has developed his own brand of death-metal/hip-hop crossover - death-hop - for his popular live sets during which he is accompanied by MC Chemical Ali.

If his rehabilitation continues to be a success, it is even suggested that he might return to Baghdad life as a full time professional DJ - building on his previous celebrity status as tyrant, oppressor and mass murderer. It worked for Chris Evans…

Posted by Ben at 4:30 pm | Permalink | Comments

The shock, of course - to give Labour MPs their fair due - is that the minorities concerned are England and Wales' rural communities under vindictive and prejudiced legislative attack.

Congratulations to the Rt Hon Kate Hoey MP (Vauxhall) whose outspoken words have been turned into actions, not for the first time, as she takes up her post as chairman of the Countryside Alliance.


Hoey: won’t be bullied by prejudiced colleagues

Hoey said: "It is a great honour and a great challenge to take on this role at such an important time for the countryside.

There should be no difference between the way a government treats people in town or country.

Rural issues, just like urban issues, are about basic rights."

She said rural people had the right to equality of health care, education, decent affordable housing and for their businesses to diversify, develop and compete with those in urban areas and abroad.

They also had "the right to engage in country sports and other activities without prejudiced legislative assault", she said.

"A true democracy respects the rights of all minorities and I look forward to contributing to the Alliance's campaign to ensure that the rural minority is treated with tolerance, fairness and respect."

But let it not be said that Hoey is the only left-wing MP who is not biased against non-urban communities: LibDem meteor-watcher and harmonica zealot Lembit Opik welcomed the appointment by stating that "Kate's determination and skill will undoubtedly help the Alliance challenge existing prejudiced law and amend it into more sensible and workable legislation"

It is worth noting that Blair's Britain is only the third country in the history of the world to ban hunting with dogs. The first was Hitler's Germany and the second was Saddam's Iraq.

Posted by Ben at 3:25 pm | Permalink | Comments

'Incidents' are being reported at Oval, Shepherds Bush and Warren Street. The stations have been evacuated and the lines closed. This could be another electrical surge.

Posted by Matt at 1:36 pm | Permalink | Comments

James Doohan's ashes are to be blasted into space.

From MSNBC:
When the series ended in 1969, Doohan found himself typecast as Montgomery Scott, the canny engineer with a burr in his voice. In 1973, he complained to his dentist, who advised him: "Jimmy, you're going to be Scotty long after you're dead. If I were you, I'd go with the flow."

"I took his advice," said Doohan, "and since then everything's been just lovely."

Though instant remarks about Kyoto and wasting both fossil fuels and technology come quickly to mind, I can't help thinking how far he has come, if he was so worried about being typecast before.

Posted by Matt at 11:11 am | Permalink | Comments

Posted by Ben at 8:53 am | Permalink | Comments

For lunch today, I had a sausage, a portion of chips and a couple of chicken wings.

Here is a list of organisations who would have found this meal unpalatable:

• Judaism - for at least 30% of the sausage, and the unkosherness of the chicken.
• Islam - for much the same reason as the Jews, but because of the lack of uttering of a different name for God when the chicken died.
• My employers - who would have observed that not one ounce fo the meal was produced organically.
• The Vegetarian Society - for all of the chicken and about 30% of the sausage.
• The Vegan Society - for all of the above, and the fact that the oil the chips were cooked in was also used for fish.
• The Battery Hen Welfare Trust - I bet those wings never saw the light of day
• The Campaign for Real Food - because the sausage may as well have been a breadstick.
• The British Heart Foundation - who would prefer me to have a functioning heart than a big plate of lardy potato and cheaply manufactured, deep fried meat.

Here is a list of people who would have approved of my choice:

• The British Potato Council - the chips had to have some spud in them.
• The British Chicken Association - the wings had to have some chicken in them.
• The National Pig Association - though they would have preferred less bread and more pork in my sausage.
• Fat Acceptance - who would encourage me to be as bloated as I wanted.
• Manshop - Clothes for fat people.

Here is a photo of the only person I considered on making this choice:

• Me

What are all these organisations doing? They're not trying hard enough!

Posted by Matt at 12:26 pm | Permalink | Comments

Last month a worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was :

Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?

The survey was a failure.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't now what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

Posted by Ben at 2:17 pm | Permalink | Comments

This was posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas web site by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humour. The company, of course, does not (have a sense of humour), and made the web department take it down immediately.



Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1. [_] Mr. [_] Lt. [_] Citizen
[_] Mrs. [_] Gen. [_] Der Fuhrer
[_] Ms. [_] Comrade [_] Il Duce
[_] Miss [_] Classified [_] Saddam Hussein

Other First Name:
Initial:
Last Name:
Password: (max 8 char)
Code Name:
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude:

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): .... / .. /..

4. Serial Number:................ (Found on panel behind drivers seat)

5. Please check where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Free gift with another purchase
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified

6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one

7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Sales woman let you sleep with her
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Central / South America
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq

9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Particle Beam Weapon
[_] Kitchen Appliance
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Thermonuclear Device

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
(Check all that apply):
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Luncheon Vouchers
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check

12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student / Trainee Militant

13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Airline Hijacking
[_] Flyfishing
[_] Propaganda
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Rape & Pillage
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future-as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

As a bonus for resending to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes! Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?
Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division

Posted by Ben at 4:45 pm | Permalink | Comments

Gonce has alerted us to the following story from The Register:

Foetus threatened with Asbo
By Lester Haines
Published Tuesday 12th July 2005 10:25 GMT

The good burghers of Burton-on-Trent can sleep sounder in their beds today after the local council threatened to slap an Anti-Social Behaviour Order (Asbo) on an unborn baby.

UK tabloid the Mirror reports that mum-to-be Julie Brown received notification that unless her ne'er-do-well foetus stopped annoying neighbours by driving his scooter around the area, dire consequences would surely follow.


Little blighters: babies

An exasperated Brown, 35, said: "It must be the first time an unborn child has been threatened with an Asbo before it's had a chance to do anything bad. I was angry because nobody came and checked and the letter was sent despite the fact we don't have a son yet, let alone one who causes trouble riding around on a scooter."
A council official admitted: "The letter appears to be an unfortunate mistake and we will be sending a written apology to the couple."

Little baby Dominic is due in September. In the meantime, we cannot help but feel that if the pre-natal tearaway had been issued with a biometric ID card upon conception, or subsequently RFID tagged in the womb, the mix-up would never have happened. Charles Clarke take notice. ®

Posted by Ben at 4:20 pm | Permalink | Comments

80 Police Officers have been injured in republican riots following the annual twelfth of July Orange Order parade marking the victory of William of Orange over the James II at the Battle of the Boyne in 1690. This year Orangemen carried a banner saying "make sectarianism history".

Blast bombs and petrol bombs were hurled at police by rioting Irish nationalists. Cars were hijacked and set on fire and around 60 arrests were made. Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams, who was with the protesters, said "the vast majority of people had demonstrated peacefully".

He continued to praise the rioters, saying that their protest had been "disciplined and peaceful", and blamed the police for the violence: "When the police moved in what I think was quite a reckless manner they took management completely away from the stewards…They brought the water cannon in too quickly, we should have been allowed to keep order."

Posted by Ben at 12:52 pm | Permalink | Comments

I promise that this is true.

Veritas leader, former chat-show host Robert Kilroy Silk, is suffering a leadership challenge to the party he set up to massage his own ego only six months ago.

The challenger, unemployed former sailor Ken Wharton, and his supporters, the "Veritas Members' Association" are wanting to "put the truth back into Veritas".

Here's that photo of Kilroy covered in shit again.


Kilroy: covered in shit. Ha ha.

Posted by Ben at 10:47 am | Permalink | Comments

Defence Secretary Dr John Reid has been recaptured by the Army's elite 'Longshanks' unit.

Dr Reid had been missing since last Thursday's terrorist attacks. His private office reported that once the terrorist nature of the explosions had become clear, Dr Reid painted his face blue and white, donned a Mel Gibson wig and left his office yelling "Freeeedoooom" and baring his naked Scottish buttocks at the Chief of Defence Staff, General Sir Michael Walker GCB CMG CBE ADC Gen.


Reid: gone completely nuts

Dr Reid is now said to be in a stable position and recovering well. An MoD spokesperson indicated that he should be back to eating whole journalists "either later today or tomorrow".

Posted by Ben at 2:35 pm | Permalink | Comments

To echo the famous sentiment of the September 13, 2001 Le Monde editorial, and perhaps - through my poor grasp of the French language - mistakenly claim that everyone is unfaithful, we are all infidels now.

These Islamofascist terrorists will target anyone that doesn't share their oppressive dark-age view on life obtained by extremist interpretations of their professed religion. That includes women, children, Muslims and non-Muslims alike.

These are the people that we have been fighting in Afghanistan, that we are defending Iraq from and that we continue to hunt in the wider plains of the world.

These are the people that the war on terror is against. We must not forget this, nor must we blur the distinctions between ordinary Muslims living normal, peaceful, free, constructive lives and those who want to destroy the liberty that is afforded to the entire western world by representative democracy and individual liberty and economic freedom.

The terrorists aim to make this a war between Islam and the rest of the world. They do not realise that they will not succeed in this ambition because the cultural fabric of the free world is strengthened by the interweaving of diverse at numerous threads. We must not aid the aims of those who wish to enslave us by unpicking the threads of our rich culture for them.

Posted by Ben at 11:19 am | Permalink | Comments

The bombs were placed by South Londoners, in order to draw attention to the fact that the majority of the tube unfairly serves North London.

Posted by Matt at 9:18 am | Permalink | Comments

Posted by Ben at 3:19 pm | Permalink | Comments

The bombings were organised by the American Government, to draw attention away from the mountain bike accident that their President was involved in the previous day.

Go on, prove me wrong.

Posted by Matt at 2:40 pm | Permalink | Comments

As Europhobia puts it:

I tell you what, if this is an "Islamic" terrorist attack, they're doing a piss-poor job. The pubs are all packed out, people sipping their pints happily, all a tad pissed off, but basically fine with it. Nice one, Al Quaeda - you profess to be from a teetotal religion, and you've given the pub trade a massive mid-week boost.

Hats off to Londoners. Emma and I went by bus to Matt's house last night, as planned, to have bubbly and fajitas, and very nice it was too. We were surprised to find that the busses were free!

Others took the riverboat home from work, and listened to tales of London enduring far worse than what was thrown at it yesterday.

Stiff upper lips and gallows humour were entirely evident yesterday, and still are today.

Every time a bomb goes off the terrorists lose some more. The fact that yesterday's explosions, effective though they were at taking the lives of those unfortunate enough to be near them, were so manifestly ineffective at spreading panic and terror across the capital shows that the terrorists have just about played all their cards. We will endure. Freedom will endure. Hope and love will prevail over hate. These terrorists will never win, their cause is evil. We are now more united against them and we will be victorious.

The world is getting smaller, and these bastards are running out of places to hide. The enemies of freedom must know that we are coming to get them. All this bombing has achieved for them is the certainty that they and their barbaric cause will be pursued and defeated.

It's time for the Islamofascists to join the pit of forgotten religious militancy. Their cause and methods belong in the dark ages in a time when religious extremists were given the time of day. There's no place in modern society for an interpretation of any religion that advocates the slaying of non-believers. That this even needs to be written is ridiculous in this day and age.

Now, as much as ever, it is the responsibility of all clear-thinking people who enjoy the fruits of personal, political, religious and intellectual freedom to use all means at their disposal to ensure that the freedom that we afford to others should not be used to harm us by those who would have us enslaved or killed because we do not share their extremist interpretation of a religion.

Our freedom and liberty is ensured by means that are social, political, and military, though some of these methods may leave a bad taste in the mouths of those who feel that they are "progressive" or "peace loving", I assure you that they are all necessary, as the enemies of freedom will not shirk from violence, as demonstrated yesterday.

Islamic militancy demonstrated some of its fundamental flaws yesterday. Its capacity to kill on a scale akin to that of the World Trade Center, or even the Madrid bombings, has been removed. The militants do not understand the mentality of free people. They planned terror and got unity. They wanted to provoke panic, they encouraged calm. They wanted to cripple a city, London stood defiantly firm. They thought we were weak and decadent, we are strong and proud.

The most fundamentally damaging result for the cause of militant Islam, is that those who had held sympathies for perceived injustices visited on Islamic peoples by US and British forces overseas now have direct experience of the indiscriminate hatred that extreme Islamists hold for non-believers. This hatred will be cowed, we will defeat the forces of evil. Now we see the full horror of what these people are capable of. Now we understand what we are fighting against in foreign lands to protect our freedom and liberty. Now we know that these people don't care about our race, sex, age, political persuasion. They are the enemies of freedom and to protect the lives of the many good people these evil bastards must die.

Posted by Ben at 11:41 am | Permalink | Comments

If we all had ID cards the bombers would have never been able to plant their bombs. Because the innocent have nothing to hide. Err… Terrorism… ID cards… Err… shut up and stand in line, prole…

Posted by Ben at 9:30 am | Permalink | Comments

Normal service is beginning to be resumed to London, with some major stations due to reopen soon, although experts suggest that the city's tourism industry may take years to recover.



In an effort to encourage tourism, the London Jihadi Tourism Association (LJTA) is sponsoring an open top bus rides around London for the price of a normal fare for all infidels.

'Ghost Walks' around the London's underground system have also been organised, again with thanks to the LJTA.




(complain here)

Posted by Ben at 3:18 pm | Permalink | Comments

Posted by Ben at 1:51 pm | Permalink | Comments

Word has reached us from Tavistock Square, the scene of one of the bus explosions this morning:

"it was awful, but people are just getting down to what has to be done"

Our thoughts are with the people at the scene.

Posted by Ben at 1:49 pm | Permalink | Comments

London stands firm. Business as usual, although the topic of conversation is more unified that usual.

Mobile phone networks are creaking under the increased pressure. E-mail traffic has surged as friends, families and colleagues inform each other that they are alright.


Staying Power: London

There are many who are unfortunate enough to have been injured or know someone who has been injured. Our thoughts are with them and their families. We owe it to them to not be beaten by this terrible menace.

London may take a hit, but it will never fall. Freedom will always beat terror and tyranny. These people will not put us down. We as a people, as communities, as a society, as will grow stronger and more unified as a result of their cowardly acts.

We're still open for business

Posted by Ben at 12:45 pm | Permalink | Comments

Swindon and Brighton railway stations are closed due to security alerts.

Buses are still operating, but at a reduced service with security measures in place. The tube is closed. Most trains into London are experiencing severe delays.

There are news reports that busses in Zone One are not operating. This has not been confirmed by Government sources.

Posted by Ben at 11:23 am | Permalink | Comments

We have now received the first confirmed report of a fatality.

These people are not only after our freedom. They are after our lives.



It is our duty to one another in the face of threats such as these to stand firm. We must not submit to panic or fear.

The people doing this are cowards. They scuttle around under the cloak of anonymity that our hard won freedom offer them. They do not look their victims in the eye. They plant their bombs and ooze back into the background. They are the very worst aspect of all humanity. Unworthy of the term warrior, undeserving of the respect that the consequences of their cowardly actions may afford them in some peoples eyes, these people are fighting against freedom.

Do not legitimise or validate their cowardly actions by submitting to terror or panic. Do not afford these cowardly dregs of humanity an ounce of respect. Their cause is not just. They seek to harm. We will not be harmed.

Posted by Ben at 11:12 am | Permalink | Comments

A bus has been the centre of an explosion in Tavistock Square. This means the buses are on the same power circuit as the tube trains.

Why aren't they hitting Edinburgh? (Sorry Edinburgh).

Posted by Matt at 10:36 am | Permalink | Comments

Bob Geldof was recently overheard on the telephone, saying:

"What d'yer mean Bush won't increase aid to Africa! There are people doiying every day! That's it, oim gonna gow and take the foking brakes off his boike!"

Posted by Matt at 10:21 am | Permalink | Comments

Reports are unclear at this time - the BBC are reporting "a series of loud bangs"; Sky News are reporting "several explosions".

The possibility of a terrorist attack is not being ruled out at this time, although the official line from London Underground is that the incident may have been caused by a "power failure".


Evacuation: Kings Cross

There are several reports of casualties, coming in over various news agency feeds. The BBC describes the majority as "walking wounded". There is at least one account of a casualty in "critical condition".

If this is, as many suggest, a terrorist action, the cowardly perpetrators must know this: we as a nation, and Londoners in particular, are a people who have fought the enemies of freedom and against great adversity we have been victorious. Those that attempt to steal our liberties, those who challenge our freedom by violent means and seek to wreak terror and disorder onto our streets, will never defeat us. We are a people that has untied against Nazism and Fascism, we have stood firm against the oppressive force of Communism during the Cold War. We will defeat you. We will hunt you down and we will find you. Because the enemies of freedom are the enemies of the British people.


Never Surrender

Posted by Ben at 10:21 am | Permalink | Comments

An announcement at 13.46pm today by the IOC confirms Paris will host the 2012 Olympics. The announcement an hour earlier in London's favour was 'never meant seriously' according to Jacques Rogge, the IOC's president.

Parisians are looking forward to pointing out how it was probably the English reputation for terrible food that made the IOC members, all of whom are reputed to eat food, favour Paris.

Posted by Matt at 1:38 pm | Permalink | Comments

London have succeeded in their bid to host the 2012 Olympic Games. Paris finished second followed by Madrid, New York and Moscow.

Posted by Ben at 12:44 pm | Permalink | Comments

Posted by Ben at 2:08 pm | Permalink | Comments

Britain has sent a stern message to Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, the Spanish Prime Minister who is again sniffing around our turf.

This time the whinging wop is getting his paella in a twist about the fact the brave folk on Gib are represented by the MEP from the South West of England.


Mr Bean lookalike: Zapatero

The Sun says it's time for Zapa to zip it! Let's hear Super Tone say "no way Jose" - that Rock is ours and there's no chance of the greasy omelette-handed dago wopfaces getting their greasy wopdago omlettefaced foreign mits on our Rock. Oh no.

Posted by Ben at 1:58 pm | Permalink | Comments

This made me feel much better. The Live 8 thing feels altogether less cynical now.

Posted by Matt at 11:06 am | Permalink | Comments

Chirac fires another shot in the hugely entertaining war of words between those pesky froggos and the plucky Brits.



Yesterday, Chirac, le grande fromage in French politics, was overheard cracking 'jokes' at Britain's expense to Vlad Putin and Gerry Schroeder.

"The only thing they (the English) have ever done for European agriculture is mad cow disease," said the cheese-eating surrender monkey. He continued: "One cannot trust people whose cuisine is so bad."

Following goading from Putin - who was keen to have Mad Jacques upset the yanks, too - Chirac claimed to prefer hamburgers to good old British grub.

There have so far been no replies from the British side, however it is believed that something quite substantial is planned for European agriculture and that the French might not like it.

A spokesperson aboard Greenpeace's ship the Rainbow Warrior II declined to comment on the trustworthiness of the French government despite their highly regarded cuisine.

Posted by Ben at 2:38 pm | Permalink | Comments

"These people may not be any richer as a result of Saturday's concert", said St Bob of Geldof, "but we've raised their profile around the world so now there's no excuse for rich countries like America not to buy records by Coldplay, Elton John, Madonna or REM, or any of the other bands and artists who played for free this weekend."

Live 8, championing the cause of really rich musicians who care quite a lot about really poor people, was aimed at "raising awareness" of the poor people by raising the profile of the rich people. Kind of like the trickle-down economic theory favoured by authoritarian right-wing economists.

Africans were said to be "extremely grateful" that the world's biggest stars had performed in their honour. Though some were said to be still "quite repressed by corrupt, violent and incompetent plutocracies" following the concert, they should be pleased that people like St Bob care enough about them to encourage westerners to give their money to the corrupt, violent and incompetent plutocracies so that they can repress their people just a little bit more.

Anyone who questions whether giving money to the sadistic bastards who deliberately starve and murder their populations in order to keep them poor is a good idea must hate Africans and will be stoned to death by an angry mob led by Cardinal Bono and Lord Michael Stipe. Giving money to bloated dictators and corrupt, murderous, repressive regimes is a great way to end poverty in Africa.

Posted by Ben at 10:56 am | Permalink | Comments

I haven't heard any African countries mentioned all bloody day. No, that's not true. South Africa was mentioned because of the concert in Johannesburg, and Senegal, because that's where Youssou N'Dour is from. But other than that, everyone in Africa is dying, either of Aids or of starvation. This is a disappointment to me, because there are places in Africa that are less poor than places in Asia and less poor than places in South America. But I guess if everyone in Africa is ok, then it's still an enormous achievement. I hope the G8 summit does listen to St. Bobo, but I hope it doesn't forget the rest of the world.

Posted by Matt at 9:43 pm | Permalink | Comments

As far as I can tell, PolicyBlender is fully in support of the principles behind Live 8, and generally motivating the G8 summit to do more for poor people everywhere (largely, but not just, in Africa). There are serious differences of opinion on how this should be achieved.

But it does make for great TV, doesn't it? All these famous people? And Ricky Gervais is dead pleased, he's got Brad Pitt involved in Extras.

Posted by Matt at 4:36 pm | Permalink | Comments

Reports this morning indicate that the All-Blacks are missing a large amount of the condensed soup that is widely believed to be the secret of their powers.


Soup:Makes you run like a bastard

Police are not ruling out theft as the reason for the disappearance. The Lions squad have recently been spotted 'running like bastards', but Sir Clive Woodward has issued a statement, explaining that the Lions were being chased by the All-Blacks at the time.

Posted by Matt at 1:36 pm | Permalink | Comments