The Policy Blender

Following the demise of General Pinochet, the World Bastard League Table has been re-assessed. The table, introduced recently, is a controversial spin-off from the Bastards of the World League Table which includes dead Bastards such as Stalin, Hitler and Pol Pot.

However, some fans have objected to the constant flux with players being promoted from one table to another simply by dying.

“It’s very tricky when I get in arguments in chat rooms” said Colin Spigg, 13, London, “frankly, with this new system I’m just not sure who to compare George W Bush to anymore”

The table still headed by Cuban veteran Fidel Castro, who held off stiff competition from the former Chilean General with his solid 15,000 political executions. However, the table is likely to be further disrupted later this year as commentators are expecting the Cuban’s immanent promotion to the Bastards of the World League, which is set to be renamed The Premier Bastard League.

The Home Secretary is proposing a new Whitehall department responsible for national security and counter-terrorism.

The new unit, known as CTU, which is short for ‘Catchy but Totally Useless’, will operate by opening up sockets, running protocols, disobeying orders from Division and torturing people until they confess everything.

Speaking at a press conference this morning Mr Reid said “Damnit we haven’t got enough time, you’re just going to have to trust me”.

The new head of the Unit will be Alistair ‘kill them until they die from it’ Campbell.