Friday, April 29, 2005
Daily Election Bulletin
Bite-sized election tit-bits for those not able to sustain a large election column
Today was seen by many as an opportunity to set the political agenda for the bank holiday weekend. Let's hope they were wrong.
New Labour
Labour sought to move the argument back to their base today and focused on the economy. Many commentators expected Blair to be limping after shooting himself in the foot with yesterday's release of Lord Goldsmith's 7 March 2003 legal advice.
Teflon Tony remained untouchable, though, and said he hope he'd "drawn a line under the issue". He's now underlined the issue so much that it now sticks out like a beacon.
Conservatives
The Tories sought to show the softer side of their fascination with immigration today. Michael Howard said that asylum reforms would be "humane". This is pretty defensive stuff on a day that the Tories should have been hammering away at Blair.
The disinclination of the Tories and the LibDems to land the killer blow on Blair over the lies about the war indicates that New Labour timed the release very well indeed. The gradual drip of leaks means that everyone was completely bored of the story by the time the damning evidence was available. Both opposition parties know that the ground is contaminated and won't play on it.
The Liberal Democrats
The LibDems were talking about pensions today. A riveting combination.
Today was seen by many as an opportunity to set the political agenda for the bank holiday weekend. Let's hope they were wrong.
New Labour
Labour sought to move the argument back to their base today and focused on the economy. Many commentators expected Blair to be limping after shooting himself in the foot with yesterday's release of Lord Goldsmith's 7 March 2003 legal advice.
Teflon Tony remained untouchable, though, and said he hope he'd "drawn a line under the issue". He's now underlined the issue so much that it now sticks out like a beacon.
Conservatives
The Tories sought to show the softer side of their fascination with immigration today. Michael Howard said that asylum reforms would be "humane". This is pretty defensive stuff on a day that the Tories should have been hammering away at Blair.
The disinclination of the Tories and the LibDems to land the killer blow on Blair over the lies about the war indicates that New Labour timed the release very well indeed. The gradual drip of leaks means that everyone was completely bored of the story by the time the damning evidence was available. Both opposition parties know that the ground is contaminated and won't play on it.
The Liberal Democrats
The LibDems were talking about pensions today. A riveting combination.
Charlie Woos the Ladies
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Back Door Strategy?
Mini Comment
New Labour are claiming that the Tories are running a strategy that is "devious", "underhand" and "back door". Blair said that this strategy is imported from Australia with Lynton Crosby.
They are referring to Michael Howard's latest calls for voters to "send a message to Tony Blair".
This phrase, they say, is a cleverly crafted admission of defeat, designed specifically to induce complacency amongst the Labour core vote whilst giving those who are unimpressed with Blair the confidence that they can register their disapproval without electing the Tories.
As former Labour MP recently turned LibDem supporter put it, voters can "give Blair a bloody nose", this, presumably in safe in the knowledge that he won't die from it.
It's a compelling theory, but strip away the sensationalism and surely what we are left with is that Labour are accusing the Tories of campaigning like the LibDems. The LibDems have long presented themselves as the protest vote option.
It would seem that the imported strategy that Blair and New Labour suddenly fear so is not the "back door"/"play dead" route, but the very front door, very alive localised and targeted campaigning that the American VoterVault technology has enabled.
The Tories localised strategy is under the main polling radar. VoterVault has access to millions upon millions of items of personal information, obtained from credit agencies, banks, marketing strategists and advertisers. The numbers are crunched and a localised strategy is developed for each target seat. Effectively, it's doing what the LibDems have been doing for years, but on a mega-industrialised scale.
Blair and Co. have belatedly picked this up and panicked and bizarre efforts to convince us all that the Tories are trying to win by default reflect how seriously they've been caught out.
New Labour are claiming that the Tories are running a strategy that is "devious", "underhand" and "back door". Blair said that this strategy is imported from Australia with Lynton Crosby.
They are referring to Michael Howard's latest calls for voters to "send a message to Tony Blair".
This phrase, they say, is a cleverly crafted admission of defeat, designed specifically to induce complacency amongst the Labour core vote whilst giving those who are unimpressed with Blair the confidence that they can register their disapproval without electing the Tories.
As former Labour MP recently turned LibDem supporter put it, voters can "give Blair a bloody nose", this, presumably in safe in the knowledge that he won't die from it.
It's a compelling theory, but strip away the sensationalism and surely what we are left with is that Labour are accusing the Tories of campaigning like the LibDems. The LibDems have long presented themselves as the protest vote option.
It would seem that the imported strategy that Blair and New Labour suddenly fear so is not the "back door"/"play dead" route, but the very front door, very alive localised and targeted campaigning that the American VoterVault technology has enabled.
The Tories localised strategy is under the main polling radar. VoterVault has access to millions upon millions of items of personal information, obtained from credit agencies, banks, marketing strategists and advertisers. The numbers are crunched and a localised strategy is developed for each target seat. Effectively, it's doing what the LibDems have been doing for years, but on a mega-industrialised scale.
Blair and Co. have belatedly picked this up and panicked and bizarre efforts to convince us all that the Tories are trying to win by default reflect how seriously they've been caught out.
Calm down dear, there's only a week to go…
So, with one week to go the party way out in front would have us believe that it's all to play for, whilst the Conservatives and LibDems snipe at Blair and each other in equal measure.
But what really is the state of play at this late stage? Will Michael be a Winner? Does Blair still care? And who is that ginger bloke with the yellow tie? These are the latest polls:
ICM has LAB 40% : CON 33%: LD 20%
MORI has LAB 36% : CON 34% : LD 23%
NOP has LAB 40% : CON 30% : LD 21%
YouGov has LAB 37% : CON 33% : LD 24%
War Advice Revealed
The advice that the Attorney General, Lord Goldsmith, issued to Tony Blair on 7 March 2003 has been released to the press following intense pressure from both the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats.
Far from dampening the fire of the issue, this move may well prove to be pouring a couple of gallons of unleaded over it. The New Labour strategy had until now been that political damage because of the war had already been sustained so the issue could be contained and managed to little further negative effect.
The change of tack in releasing the legal advice reflects the hard work of the opposition parties and the media of all sides.
Here's where main parties stand on the issue:
Labour
• Right to go to war
• Didn't tell porkie pies about it
Conservatives
• Right to go to war
• Wrong to lie about it
Liberal Democrats
• Wrong to go to war
• Blair's pants not on fire
Far from dampening the fire of the issue, this move may well prove to be pouring a couple of gallons of unleaded over it. The New Labour strategy had until now been that political damage because of the war had already been sustained so the issue could be contained and managed to little further negative effect.
The change of tack in releasing the legal advice reflects the hard work of the opposition parties and the media of all sides.
Here's where main parties stand on the issue:
Labour
• Right to go to war
• Didn't tell porkie pies about it
Conservatives
• Right to go to war
• Wrong to lie about it
Liberal Democrats
• Wrong to go to war
• Blair's pants not on fire
Attorney General Sacked
The Mexican Attorney General, Rafael Macedo, has been sacked by President Vicente Fox in the latest revelation of the long-running legal saga against Mayor Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador.
Goldsmith: pleased not to Mexican
Commentators have noted an Attorney General "makes an excellent fall guy" though there is no indication yet that Lord Goldsmith has been instructed to clear his desk.
Goldsmith: pleased not to Mexican
Commentators have noted an Attorney General "makes an excellent fall guy" though there is no indication yet that Lord Goldsmith has been instructed to clear his desk.
Blair's New Euro Strategy
In a decisive bid to regain ground not lost to the Tories, Tony Blair is importing a highly effective strategy developed for the 2001 election.
Known as "Keep the Pound", the strategy was conceived and honed by seasoned election strategist William Hague. It was first used in the 2001 election with devastating results to the Conservative vote.
Hague in 2001: decisive strategy
A Conservative spokesperson has responded by saying "He can have our one about off-shore immigration centres too if he likes."
No one bothered to phone the LibDems for a comment.
Known as "Keep the Pound", the strategy was conceived and honed by seasoned election strategist William Hague. It was first used in the 2001 election with devastating results to the Conservative vote.
Hague in 2001: decisive strategy
A Conservative spokesperson has responded by saying "He can have our one about off-shore immigration centres too if he likes."
No one bothered to phone the LibDems for a comment.
Paxman tops sex poll
A recent poll puts Jeremy Paxman above all three main party leaders as someone the voters woudl most like to sleep with.
Which of the party leaders would you like to get into bed with? And why?
Which of the party leaders would you like to get into bed with? And why?
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Handcuffs for 'Discipline' Minister
The sainted Education Secretary was the target for a group of men bearing handcuffs today.
Ruth Kelly, who kicks some quite considerable ass for a girlie, fought off the assailants as they grabbed her wrist.
Kelly is, controversially, a member of the shadowy catholic group Opus Dei who are about as popular as the Illuminati.
Ruth Kelly, who kicks some quite considerable ass for a girlie, fought off the assailants as they grabbed her wrist.
Kelly is, controversially, a member of the shadowy catholic group Opus Dei who are about as popular as the Illuminati.
God is Angry
Researchers Find Man Who Believes Blair
A crack New Labour research unit headed by a shadowy figure known only by the codename 'Mandelson' has located a man who thinks that Tony Blair did not lie about the war in Iraq.
At a news conference this morning the man, Charles Kennedy, a reclusive father of one from Invernessshire, said "I believe he was sincere".
Mr Kennedy: recluse
Research has suggested that Mr Kennedy is the only person in the whole country who thinks this. Labour are now undertaking an exercise to raise his profile with the electorate to try to reinstate Blair's trustworthy persona.
Mr Kennedy is believed to be involved with a minority party who call themselves 'Liberal Democrats'. There is some speculation that yesterday's defection by a hitherto unknown Labour backbencher to the hitherto unknown Liberal Democrat Party may be part of the wider strategy to raise Mr Kennedy's profile because of his unique endorsement of Tony Blair.
At a news conference this morning the man, Charles Kennedy, a reclusive father of one from Invernessshire, said "I believe he was sincere".
Mr Kennedy: recluse
Research has suggested that Mr Kennedy is the only person in the whole country who thinks this. Labour are now undertaking an exercise to raise his profile with the electorate to try to reinstate Blair's trustworthy persona.
Mr Kennedy is believed to be involved with a minority party who call themselves 'Liberal Democrats'. There is some speculation that yesterday's defection by a hitherto unknown Labour backbencher to the hitherto unknown Liberal Democrat Party may be part of the wider strategy to raise Mr Kennedy's profile because of his unique endorsement of Tony Blair.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Milburn Claims Tories Playing Dead
Old Man Changes His Mind
An old man is said to have changed his mind over something today.
This was claimed by Liberal Democrat leader Charles Kennedy to be great victory for the Liberal Democrats.
Old Man: changed his mind
Tomorrow's weather is said to be cloudy with sunny patches with highs of 14C and winds of up to 11mph.
This was claimed by Liberal Democrat leader Charles Kennedy to be great victory for the Liberal Democrats.
This was claimed by Liberal Democrat leader Charles Kennedy to be great victory for the Liberal Democrats.
Old Man: changed his mind
Tomorrow's weather is said to be cloudy with sunny patches with highs of 14C and winds of up to 11mph.
This was claimed by Liberal Democrat leader Charles Kennedy to be great victory for the Liberal Democrats.
Kennedy: Iran is next for Blair
The Liberal Democrat leader Charles Kennedy suggested at a press conference yesterday that a vote for Blair would give him a similar mandate for action against Iran as he had for Iraq.
Tony Blair has vigorously denied this in a Guardian interview printed today. "That's rubbish. Iran is completely different from Iraq in every respect"
Iran is an oil producing dictatorship right next to Iraq. Both have four letter names that begin with an 'I'. UK and US intelligence agencies claim Iran has weapons of mass destruction including chemical and biological agents, ballistic and cruise missiles. Iran is subject to stringent sanctions and its nuclear programmes are in breach of hundreds of UN resolutions .
Blair confirmed that "There are no plans for an invasion of Iran, [and that] there are no discussions about such a thing." It is as yet unclear whether his pants were on fire at the time.
Tony Blair has vigorously denied this in a Guardian interview printed today. "That's rubbish. Iran is completely different from Iraq in every respect"
Iran is an oil producing dictatorship right next to Iraq. Both have four letter names that begin with an 'I'. UK and US intelligence agencies claim Iran has weapons of mass destruction including chemical and biological agents, ballistic and cruise missiles. Iran is subject to stringent sanctions and its nuclear programmes are in breach of hundreds of UN resolutions .
Blair confirmed that "There are no plans for an invasion of Iran, [and that] there are no discussions about such a thing." It is as yet unclear whether his pants were on fire at the time.
An attempt at genuine political commentary, by a poorly informed walrus
This seems to be at least one of the stories today.
"The Premier urged opposition parties to move on from their relentless questioning about the legality of the conflict and suggested they should focus on Britain's future."
Quite aside from the future that the dead on both sides no longer have, (a poignant, if simplistic argument) the question still remains as to whether we should elect someone who will do it again. And with Bush's global mission to spread democracy, and his special people-slaughtering powers, granted by Congress, the option's going to come up for the next Prime Minister.
"Charles Kennedy, Liberal Democrats leader, said on a visit to a school in Bournemouth: 'The best thing the Prime Minister can do now is publish the Attorney General's legal advice and then the country can make its own mind up.' "
Of course, he won't, and we don't expect him to. And no doubt the lorries already barracading refineries will take some attention away from it before too long.
"The Premier urged opposition parties to move on from their relentless questioning about the legality of the conflict and suggested they should focus on Britain's future."
Quite aside from the future that the dead on both sides no longer have, (a poignant, if simplistic argument) the question still remains as to whether we should elect someone who will do it again. And with Bush's global mission to spread democracy, and his special people-slaughtering powers, granted by Congress, the option's going to come up for the next Prime Minister.
"Charles Kennedy, Liberal Democrats leader, said on a visit to a school in Bournemouth: 'The best thing the Prime Minister can do now is publish the Attorney General's legal advice and then the country can make its own mind up.' "
Of course, he won't, and we don't expect him to. And no doubt the lorries already barracading refineries will take some attention away from it before too long.
Monday, April 25, 2005
Cats away, mice will play
This just in from our religious correspondent at The Onion.
"When the pope was alive, I never would've thought of flouting the 1917 Pio-Benedictine Code Of Canon Law. But once he was out of the picture, I immediately bore false witness against my neighbor. And then I coveted his wife." - Area Man
"When the pope was alive, I never would've thought of flouting the 1917 Pio-Benedictine Code Of Canon Law. But once he was out of the picture, I immediately bore false witness against my neighbor. And then I coveted his wife." - Area Man
The Political Compass - Where are you?
Monster Raving Loonies Unveil Two Manifestos
The Official Monster Raving Loony Party has unveiled two manifestos; one for this election, and one for the 2525 election .
This year's policies include:
a 99p coin to save on change
reduce class sizes by making the pupils sit closer to one another and issuing them with smaller desks.
free university tuition available to all students named Grant
Pram lanes will be created in all shopping centres.
an enquiry to find out why there’s a Polar bear on Fox’s Glacier mints
The Millennium Bridge will be made wobbly again, by building a pub at either end
This year's policies include:
a 99p coin to save on change
reduce class sizes by making the pupils sit closer to one another and issuing them with smaller desks.
free university tuition available to all students named Grant
Pram lanes will be created in all shopping centres.
an enquiry to find out why there’s a Polar bear on Fox’s Glacier mints
The Millennium Bridge will be made wobbly again, by building a pub at either end
“I can’t remember what my line is on drugs. What’s my line on drugs?”
Fun with Veritas (part 5)
Attorney General's Advice Becomes Key Election Issue
Whatever the real reasons for going to war with Iraq, Tony Blair sold it to the country on two accounts: intelligence reports that Iraq was an imminent (45min) threat and legal advice that justified the military intervention.
Blair will now be wishing that he had the balls to tell the country that Saddam was a scumbag dictator and needed to go, rather than rely on a couple of ropey lawyerly excuses to justify what needed to be done. Now that the first excuse, intelligence, has been completely debased, and the government got itself wound up in the death of Dr David Kelly to boot, there's no surprise that the other political parties are concentrating on the other leg to the argument - the legal advice given to Tony Blair.
It is now (gradually) emerging, that the following is a reasonable synopsis of the advice given to Tony Blair by the Attorney General in the run up to the war:
• It was the UN's job, not that of individual states, to decide if Iraq was in breach of UN resolutions;
• The use of UN resolution 1441 to justify war might be deficient because it did not include the phrase "all necessary" to enforce it;
• A second UN resolution was needed in 2003 to make the looming war legal;
• Earlier UN resolutions against Saddam could not easily be revived to justify the invasion;
• The UN weapons inspectors were still doing their work and had found no banned weapons;
• The US position on legality did not apply to Britain because Congress had voted President George Bush special war-making powers.
It's unlikely that this one will go away.
Blair will now be wishing that he had the balls to tell the country that Saddam was a scumbag dictator and needed to go, rather than rely on a couple of ropey lawyerly excuses to justify what needed to be done. Now that the first excuse, intelligence, has been completely debased, and the government got itself wound up in the death of Dr David Kelly to boot, there's no surprise that the other political parties are concentrating on the other leg to the argument - the legal advice given to Tony Blair.
It is now (gradually) emerging, that the following is a reasonable synopsis of the advice given to Tony Blair by the Attorney General in the run up to the war:
• It was the UN's job, not that of individual states, to decide if Iraq was in breach of UN resolutions;
• The use of UN resolution 1441 to justify war might be deficient because it did not include the phrase "all necessary" to enforce it;
• A second UN resolution was needed in 2003 to make the looming war legal;
• Earlier UN resolutions against Saddam could not easily be revived to justify the invasion;
• The UN weapons inspectors were still doing their work and had found no banned weapons;
• The US position on legality did not apply to Britain because Congress had voted President George Bush special war-making powers.
It's unlikely that this one will go away.
Least Surprising Weekend in Campaign So Far
Commentators were shocked at the lack of surprises thrown up from the various parities this weekend.
Michael Howard got the ball rolling with the sensational claim that Tony Blair is a liar. A Labour Party spokesperson responded immediately with "yes, we know, but he'll retire after the election so it's ok to vote for him".
The Tories kept the ball rolling by claiming the BBC were biased after the state broadcaster provided radio microphones for and encouraged hecklers of Michael Howard. A BBC spokesperson responded immediately with "yes, we know, we've hated them for years. We are surprised that they've only just noticed."
To further add to the surprise, Labour have been going on about the economy whilst calling the Tories racist and the LibDems took the weekend off to go caravanning in Cornwall.
Michael Howard got the ball rolling with the sensational claim that Tony Blair is a liar. A Labour Party spokesperson responded immediately with "yes, we know, but he'll retire after the election so it's ok to vote for him".
The Tories kept the ball rolling by claiming the BBC were biased after the state broadcaster provided radio microphones for and encouraged hecklers of Michael Howard. A BBC spokesperson responded immediately with "yes, we know, we've hated them for years. We are surprised that they've only just noticed."
To further add to the surprise, Labour have been going on about the economy whilst calling the Tories racist and the LibDems took the weekend off to go caravanning in Cornwall.
Friday, April 22, 2005
Crosby - a Welcome Stranger?
An Australian refugee group is calling for Lynton Crosby, the Conservative's campaign strategist, to be banned from New Zealand "on character grounds".
Crosby has been linked to New Zealand's National Party, the Conservative opposition to Helen Clarke's Labour government.
Immigration is a key issue in New Zealand, as it was for John Howard in Australia in the 2001 and 2004 elections where Crosby was widely credited for pulling the rabbit out of the hat for John Howard's conservative Liberal Party.
Crosby has been linked to New Zealand's National Party, the Conservative opposition to Helen Clarke's Labour government.
Immigration is a key issue in New Zealand, as it was for John Howard in Australia in the 2001 and 2004 elections where Crosby was widely credited for pulling the rabbit out of the hat for John Howard's conservative Liberal Party.
Paxman Cries Foul over Howard Crib Notes
Sources reveal that Jeremy Paxman is to be put down by the BBC.
The aging assassin had been given one last chance to prove that his killer instinct remained in an interview to be screened tonight on BBC1. However, despite injuring the Tory Party leader, Michael Howard, using a variety of weapons including immigration and asylum, he failed to make his kill.
Paxman's execution may be delayed whilst an appeal is made on his behalf. Supporters of the off-colour assassin are claiming that Michael Howard clearly breached the rules of engagement by producing paper notes from his pocket, one of which was a letter from the Prime Minister.
A Paxo supporter said "Howard should play fair - he should've rolled over and let Paxo gut him like a fish because that's what everyone wanted to see. Jeremy had even been practicing by watching all seven series of Buffy."
Paxman is said to have left studio 'looking like a broken man' and muttering the same question to himself over and over 14 times.
The aging assassin had been given one last chance to prove that his killer instinct remained in an interview to be screened tonight on BBC1. However, despite injuring the Tory Party leader, Michael Howard, using a variety of weapons including immigration and asylum, he failed to make his kill.
Paxman's execution may be delayed whilst an appeal is made on his behalf. Supporters of the off-colour assassin are claiming that Michael Howard clearly breached the rules of engagement by producing paper notes from his pocket, one of which was a letter from the Prime Minister.
A Paxo supporter said "Howard should play fair - he should've rolled over and let Paxo gut him like a fish because that's what everyone wanted to see. Jeremy had even been practicing by watching all seven series of Buffy."
Paxman is said to have left studio 'looking like a broken man' and muttering the same question to himself over and over 14 times.
'Black Hole' in Black Hole Claim
Labour have rounded on the Tories following an independent report suggesting that there is only an eleven billion pound black hole in the Labour Party spending plans, not twelve billion as the Tories have suggested.
A New Labour spokesperson said that "This independent report proves that there is a black hole in the Tories black hole claim"
The study, by the Institute for Fiscal Studies, says that the Chancellor's expectation of a 30% increase in corporation tax receipts is optimistic, and that the Chancellor has consistently over-estimated his tax revenue by around £10bn a year.
Oliver Letwin is back in hiding.
A New Labour spokesperson said that "This independent report proves that there is a black hole in the Tories black hole claim"
The study, by the Institute for Fiscal Studies, says that the Chancellor's expectation of a 30% increase in corporation tax receipts is optimistic, and that the Chancellor has consistently over-estimated his tax revenue by around £10bn a year.
Oliver Letwin is back in hiding.
LibDems to Say Something about Iraq
The Liberal Democrats are set to capitalise on their unique position on the Iraq war 'at some point next week'.
A non-gender specific source close to the party warned soberly that "These are sensitive issues; we didn't just oppose the war to be populist so we have to be careful about how we use this issue to our advantage"
LibDems: Yellow
A New Labour spokesperson said "You can tell they are not yet a party ready for government as they have not yet produced a dossier on their position on the Iraq war"
A Conservative spokesman added "why do you think the LibDems chose yellow as their party colour?"
A non-gender specific source close to the party warned soberly that "These are sensitive issues; we didn't just oppose the war to be populist so we have to be careful about how we use this issue to our advantage"
LibDems: Yellow
A New Labour spokesperson said "You can tell they are not yet a party ready for government as they have not yet produced a dossier on their position on the Iraq war"
A Conservative spokesman added "why do you think the LibDems chose yellow as their party colour?"
Blair Accuses Tories over Asylum
Tony Blair has accused the Conservatives of scaremongering over the issue of asylum. In a statement to a press conference today, the Prime Minister said:
"The evil, nasty right-wing Tories are scaremongering over the issue of immigration and asylum. They have evil, nasty right-wing policies and are evil, nasty right-wing people that want to do evil, nasty right-wing things to everyone.
This election is a clear choice between the evil, nasty Tory Party and their evil, nasty policies led by the evil, nasty Michael Howard or for New Labour who are not evil or nasty."
A spokesperson later added: "The Tories are evil, nasty and right-wing"
"The evil, nasty right-wing Tories are scaremongering over the issue of immigration and asylum. They have evil, nasty right-wing policies and are evil, nasty right-wing people that want to do evil, nasty right-wing things to everyone.
This election is a clear choice between the evil, nasty Tory Party and their evil, nasty policies led by the evil, nasty Michael Howard or for New Labour who are not evil or nasty."
A spokesperson later added: "The Tories are evil, nasty and right-wing"
Blair to Focus on Immigration
Tony Blair is to continue his so called 'masochism strategy' today by drawing the focus to Labour's immigration plans.
The 'masochism strategy' has been carefully conceived and applied in order to make Blair seem accountable to 'real people'.
So far, Blair has faced carefully selected friendly pensioners; carefully selected friendly reporters and GMTV. Indeed, Wednesday's Paxman interview could be seen as the only vaguely masochistic step of this Labour campaign - apart from letting Gordon Brown within stabbing reach of his back.
The shift in focus to Labours immigration policies is then a significant step. Don't expect any Daily Mail journalists to be allowed into the press conferences though…
The 'masochism strategy' has been carefully conceived and applied in order to make Blair seem accountable to 'real people'.
So far, Blair has faced carefully selected friendly pensioners; carefully selected friendly reporters and GMTV. Indeed, Wednesday's Paxman interview could be seen as the only vaguely masochistic step of this Labour campaign - apart from letting Gordon Brown within stabbing reach of his back.
The shift in focus to Labours immigration policies is then a significant step. Don't expect any Daily Mail journalists to be allowed into the press conferences though…
LibDems Pitch to Totty Vote
The Liberal democrats today unveiled a raft of new policy initiatives aimed at the ladies.
Stuff like a maternity income guarantee of £170 a week, and an Equality Act to target discrimination at work should go down well with the birds.
Totty: Vote LibDem
Sandra Gidley, 48, Romsey, said: "The current pension system is inherently unjust for women and that's because a woman's contribution history is incomplete due to caring responsibilities."
It is thought that her husband, Bill, was looking after their two children whilst she was yabbering away about women this morning. What a hero.
Stuff like a maternity income guarantee of £170 a week, and an Equality Act to target discrimination at work should go down well with the birds.
Totty: Vote LibDem
Sandra Gidley, 48, Romsey, said: "The current pension system is inherently unjust for women and that's because a woman's contribution history is incomplete due to caring responsibilities."
It is thought that her husband, Bill, was looking after their two children whilst she was yabbering away about women this morning. What a hero.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Tax Fears Fuel Fears of Fuel Protest
There are murmurings amongst disgruntled hauliers, farmers and businesses around the country that with election victory seemingly taken for granted by Blair and Co, the issue of fuel duty will be left out of the election campaign.
Will the disgruntled activists take to the streets, motorways and fuel depots before May 5th? Don't bet against it.
Will the disgruntled activists take to the streets, motorways and fuel depots before May 5th? Don't bet against it.
Off Message
A Minister no one has heard of has issued an apology for something nobody heard.
Charlotte Atkins, the Parliamentary Under Secretary of State for Transport, whose brief includes 'Cycling and Pedestrian Issues' said in an interview on BBC Radio Stoke that the Government would scrap Council Tax as it was "regressive".
Atkins: wrong party
The gaffe, heard by literally tens of people across the Stoke-on-Trent region, further adds to the confusion over council tax policy after Local Government Minister Nick Raynsford appeared to change the current policy on banding last night on Newsnight.
The Tories had set the ball rolling by executing a perfect U-turn in withdrawing their support for revaluation yesterday. The position stated by Atkins in the radio interview is more akin to that of the LibDems, who are in favour of scrapping council tax and replacing it with a local income tax.
Charlotte Atkins, the Parliamentary Under Secretary of State for Transport, whose brief includes 'Cycling and Pedestrian Issues' said in an interview on BBC Radio Stoke that the Government would scrap Council Tax as it was "regressive".
Atkins: wrong party
The gaffe, heard by literally tens of people across the Stoke-on-Trent region, further adds to the confusion over council tax policy after Local Government Minister Nick Raynsford appeared to change the current policy on banding last night on Newsnight.
The Tories had set the ball rolling by executing a perfect U-turn in withdrawing their support for revaluation yesterday. The position stated by Atkins in the radio interview is more akin to that of the LibDems, who are in favour of scrapping council tax and replacing it with a local income tax.
Tories Deny Starting Bond Rumour
Conservative Central Office has denied allegations that the Tories are behind a recent rumour that Michael Howard is set to take up the reigns as the new James Bond.
The latest Bond production, Casino Royale, is to begin shooting in the summer, with several top names mooted to be in contention for the lead role vacated by Pierce Brosnan.
Howard, Michael Howard
A spokesman for Barbara Broccoli and Eon Productions has refused to comment on the suggestions that Howard will play the action hero saying "We're not ruling anybody out at this stage"
Further gossip suggests that Eon are lining up an all-political-star cast with Lady Thatcher taking over from Dame Judi Dench as 'M' and Boris Johnson as 'Q'. The role of the megalomaniac villain intent on word domination is said to be filled by Tony Blair with the evil sidekick part to be played by Alan 'Oddjob' Milburn. Blair's sinister enforcer will be played by Peter Mandelson.
The latest Bond production, Casino Royale, is to begin shooting in the summer, with several top names mooted to be in contention for the lead role vacated by Pierce Brosnan.
Howard, Michael Howard
A spokesman for Barbara Broccoli and Eon Productions has refused to comment on the suggestions that Howard will play the action hero saying "We're not ruling anybody out at this stage"
Further gossip suggests that Eon are lining up an all-political-star cast with Lady Thatcher taking over from Dame Judi Dench as 'M' and Boris Johnson as 'Q'. The role of the megalomaniac villain intent on word domination is said to be filled by Tony Blair with the evil sidekick part to be played by Alan 'Oddjob' Milburn. Blair's sinister enforcer will be played by Peter Mandelson.
Labour Unveils 50% Cut in Crime Pledge
At this morning's breakfast news conference Tony Blair pledged to cut crime by 30%.
To prove that this wasn't just a meaningless percentage that bares no resemblance to any tangible policing or social strategy, New Labour spokespeople are now briefing the press on the Labour commitment to cutting crime by 15%.
Blink and you'll miss 'em - since yesterday's policy ambush by the Tories on tax, the off-the-cuff promises are coming thick and fast. Expect more in the next couple of weeks.
To prove that this wasn't just a meaningless percentage that bares no resemblance to any tangible policing or social strategy, New Labour spokespeople are now briefing the press on the Labour commitment to cutting crime by 15%.
Blink and you'll miss 'em - since yesterday's policy ambush by the Tories on tax, the off-the-cuff promises are coming thick and fast. Expect more in the next couple of weeks.
Blair Resists Paxo Stuffing
The BBC assassin Jeremy Paxman was last night said to be "distraught" following his second failed assassination attempt this week.
BBC insiders said "This time it wasn't like with Charlie, where Paxo looked into his eyes and couldn't pull the trigger… this time he just didn't get a chance to line up a kill-shot. We're all a little dazed really, nothing like this has ever happened to him before"
BBC bosses are understood to have given Paxman an ultimatum - publicly disembowel the Tory leader Michael Howard live on TV on Friday night, or be bitten to death by Director General Mark Thompson.
BBC insiders said "This time it wasn't like with Charlie, where Paxo looked into his eyes and couldn't pull the trigger… this time he just didn't get a chance to line up a kill-shot. We're all a little dazed really, nothing like this has ever happened to him before"
BBC bosses are understood to have given Paxman an ultimatum - publicly disembowel the Tory leader Michael Howard live on TV on Friday night, or be bitten to death by Director General Mark Thompson.
Tory U-Turn Puts Cat Amongst Pigeons
The Tories denied a cheep political stunt last night after their U-turn on council tax revaluation caught Labour and the LibDems completely off guard.
A Labour spokesperson said "This is typical opportunistic, unprincipled Tory politics. It is the politics of opportunism and not of principle. It is completely principle-less opportunity politics. Putting the cat amongst the pigeons like this is archaic, shameless and just plain cruel"
A Tory spokesman responded by saying "Pigeons are vermin, and besides they like having a cat amongst them and they feel no pain as the cat always has a good clean kill unlike a shotgun. What of the poor cats? What would they do if they were not put amongst the pigeons? And the hundreds of thousands of cat owners around the UK face ruin if Labour insist on banning us from putting the cat amongst the pigeons"
A Labour spokesperson said "This is typical opportunistic, unprincipled Tory politics. It is the politics of opportunism and not of principle. It is completely principle-less opportunity politics. Putting the cat amongst the pigeons like this is archaic, shameless and just plain cruel"
A Tory spokesman responded by saying "Pigeons are vermin, and besides they like having a cat amongst them and they feel no pain as the cat always has a good clean kill unlike a shotgun. What of the poor cats? What would they do if they were not put amongst the pigeons? And the hundreds of thousands of cat owners around the UK face ruin if Labour insist on banning us from putting the cat amongst the pigeons"
Chimney Watch: Day 20
The signal is out. The speculation is over. The winner of the biggest reality TV competition in the history of showbiz is the pundit's favourite, Anthony Charles Lynton Blair.
Red Smoke: Tony Wins
Tony, 51, London, wins a contract with The Sun newspaper. A Sun spokesperson says, "Tone has won and fully deserves this chance at the big time, so we'll let him write for our paper right up until his birthday."
Blair is 52 on May 6th.
Red Smoke: Tony Wins
Tony, 51, London, wins a contract with The Sun newspaper. A Sun spokesperson says, "Tone has won and fully deserves this chance at the big time, so we'll let him write for our paper right up until his birthday."
Blair is 52 on May 6th.
Happy Birthday Bess!
It's the Queen's Birthday, and as someone who made a conscious effort to snub the Golden Jubilee I'd like to wish her many happy returns.
Happy Birthday Ma'am
Happy Birthday Ma'am
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Would you trust these men with your country?
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Ken Clarke: Back from Obscurity?
Sources suggest that Ken Clarke's recent backtrack on the Euro could be to clear the ground for a shot at the Conservative Party leadership after the election.
Clarke is a non-Executive Director of British American Tobacco. He is sixty-five. Despite a failed bid at the Tory leadership, he is still said to "love it when a plan comes together"
Clarke is a non-Executive Director of British American Tobacco. He is sixty-five. Despite a failed bid at the Tory leadership, he is still said to "love it when a plan comes together"
Tories Try to Change Howard's Tack on Immigration
The Guardian reports today that senior Tories are dissatisfied with Michael Howard's 'dog whistle' strategy and are seeking to moderate his line on immigration.
The report suggests that there was a phone around last night that concluded that Howard's line was too strong. The senior Tories are said to have contacted Howard and suggested to him that immigrants would bring 'fresh blood' to the country.
Immigrants provide 'fresh blood'
The report suggests that there was a phone around last night that concluded that Howard's line was too strong. The senior Tories are said to have contacted Howard and suggested to him that immigrants would bring 'fresh blood' to the country.
Immigrants provide 'fresh blood'
Murdoch Weighs In
The A-Team's Howlin' Mad Murdoch has come out in support of Tony Blair's immigration policy telling a Los Angeles press conference that Tory ideas for a limit to immigration are "wrong".
In 1972, crack commando Captain HM Murdoch was sent to prison by a military court for a crime he didn't commit. With others, he promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. In the eighties, still wanted by the government, they survived as soldiers of fortune.
He has since built up a large media network including: films, TV, Cable TV, Sky TV, Magazines, Newspapers, Books, Record Companies and Sports.
If you are a Labour Prime Minister with a problem - and you know where to find him, maybe you could call… The Billionaire Capitalist.
In 1972, crack commando Captain HM Murdoch was sent to prison by a military court for a crime he didn't commit. With others, he promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. In the eighties, still wanted by the government, they survived as soldiers of fortune.
He has since built up a large media network including: films, TV, Cable TV, Sky TV, Magazines, Newspapers, Books, Record Companies and Sports.
If you are a Labour Prime Minister with a problem - and you know where to find him, maybe you could call… The Billionaire Capitalist.
Latest Polls: Good News for Blair
Politicalbetting.com has the latest polling results:
• NOP in the Independent has CON 32 (nc): LAB 37 (-1) :LD 21 (nc)
• Populus in the Times has CON 31(-4): LAB 40 (+3): LD 21 (+2)
• A Mori phone survey in the FT has CON 31(-1): LAB 40(nc): LD 21(+2)
The forum also contains an interesting article about sample weighting
• NOP in the Independent has CON 32 (nc): LAB 37 (-1) :LD 21 (nc)
• Populus in the Times has CON 31(-4): LAB 40 (+3): LD 21 (+2)
• A Mori phone survey in the FT has CON 31(-1): LAB 40(nc): LD 21(+2)
The forum also contains an interesting article about sample weighting
Kennedy brings out Merciful Side in Paxman
Charles Kennedy pulled off a remarkable coup yesterday by making Jeremy Paxman appear merciful.
Kennedy floundered on a range of questions from the BBC assassin, notably: local income tax; votes for prisoners; a commitment to the Iraqi people and his smoking and drinking habits. The other question was about road-user charging.
Kennedy: lucky to be alive
Paxman later stated "I don't know what happened, I had him on the floor, about to blood-eagle him and all of a sudden I just stopped… I remembered what Chris said about kicking a puppy and I looked into his tearful left-wing eyes and I couldn't bring myself to do it"
Kennedy floundered on a range of questions from the BBC assassin, notably: local income tax; votes for prisoners; a commitment to the Iraqi people and his smoking and drinking habits. The other question was about road-user charging.
Kennedy: lucky to be alive
Paxman later stated "I don't know what happened, I had him on the floor, about to blood-eagle him and all of a sudden I just stopped… I remembered what Chris said about kicking a puppy and I looked into his tearful left-wing eyes and I couldn't bring myself to do it"
Chimney Watch: Day 17
17 days into the most keenly followed reality TV show in the history of television, viewers were shocked by what appeared to be the signal that the contestants had already selected a winner.
However, the signal - white smoke - was merely one of the contestants Cardinal Loki larking around with matches.
Holy smoke
Loki has received a warning from Big Brother, who speaks to the contestants through their prayers, that he will be evicted if he continues with his mischievous behaviour.
The 115 contestants from 52 countries are locked in the Vatican and cut off from the outside world with phones, radios and televisions banned. The ratings for the show have been outstanding, with up to one billion Catholics around the world waiting to see which contestant beats the others to the prize of head of the Catholic Church.
However, the signal - white smoke - was merely one of the contestants Cardinal Loki larking around with matches.
Holy smoke
Loki has received a warning from Big Brother, who speaks to the contestants through their prayers, that he will be evicted if he continues with his mischievous behaviour.
The 115 contestants from 52 countries are locked in the Vatican and cut off from the outside world with phones, radios and televisions banned. The ratings for the show have been outstanding, with up to one billion Catholics around the world waiting to see which contestant beats the others to the prize of head of the Catholic Church.
Kilroy Unveils Shadow Cabinet
Veritas has revealed that their front bench team is to be staffed "entirely by Oompa Loompas".
Opponents are saying that this radical step further illustrates that Kilroy's party discriminates against anyone who does not have the same colour skin as him.
Veritas team
Kilroy has hit back claiming that his Oompa Loompas are "a damn sight more hard working than those lazy foreign buggers"
Read more about exploitation of Oompa Loompas
Opponents are saying that this radical step further illustrates that Kilroy's party discriminates against anyone who does not have the same colour skin as him.
Veritas team
Kilroy has hit back claiming that his Oompa Loompas are "a damn sight more hard working than those lazy foreign buggers"
Read more about exploitation of Oompa Loompas
Monday, April 18, 2005
Daily Election Bulletin
Bite-sized election tit-bits for those not able to sustain a large election column
New Labour
Several reporters were admitted to hospital suffering from shock today as it began to appear that Dr John Reid may have a positive campaigning role.
Fortunately though, fears were unfounded as Labour's planned health announcements were fronted by heart surgery veteran Tony Blair and breast cancer survivor and Health Minister Melanie Johnson. Blair proposed to cut the waiting time for breast cancer sufferers to be treated.
Dr Reid was last seen biting the heads off some Tory leafleters that had strayed too close.
Blair also suffered a personal hit today, as Derek Cattell, a senior figure in the Sedgefield Constituency Labour Party resigned after thirty years in protest of questions over Mr Blair's "integrity and honesty".
Conservatives
The Conservatives attacked the "Black Hole" in pensions today, challenging Labour to explain exactly how they were going to pay for them having taken £40bn out of the pensions pot in the last eight years.
Howard also pledged new hospitals for children. He also called upon the nation to donate more blood, though he refused to elaborate further on what the "lovely, lovely blood" would be used for.
Liberal Democrats
The LibDems outlined plans to have 10,000 more police officers and 20,000 more community service officers. As ever they gave no indication of how these would be paid for.
A LibDem spokesperson also announced further policies including: making everything nicer, getting better Christmas presents and a National Cuddle Day to replace Mondays.
New Labour
Several reporters were admitted to hospital suffering from shock today as it began to appear that Dr John Reid may have a positive campaigning role.
Fortunately though, fears were unfounded as Labour's planned health announcements were fronted by heart surgery veteran Tony Blair and breast cancer survivor and Health Minister Melanie Johnson. Blair proposed to cut the waiting time for breast cancer sufferers to be treated.
Dr Reid was last seen biting the heads off some Tory leafleters that had strayed too close.
Blair also suffered a personal hit today, as Derek Cattell, a senior figure in the Sedgefield Constituency Labour Party resigned after thirty years in protest of questions over Mr Blair's "integrity and honesty".
Conservatives
The Conservatives attacked the "Black Hole" in pensions today, challenging Labour to explain exactly how they were going to pay for them having taken £40bn out of the pensions pot in the last eight years.
Howard also pledged new hospitals for children. He also called upon the nation to donate more blood, though he refused to elaborate further on what the "lovely, lovely blood" would be used for.
Liberal Democrats
The LibDems outlined plans to have 10,000 more police officers and 20,000 more community service officers. As ever they gave no indication of how these would be paid for.
A LibDem spokesperson also announced further policies including: making everything nicer, getting better Christmas presents and a National Cuddle Day to replace Mondays.
Exclusive: Bush 'Not to Feature' on Labour Campaign Literature
Sources close to New Labour have let it slip that the US President George Bush will not feature in any forthcoming Labour campaigning.
Bush: close to Blair
Bush, who recently won an election in America, is widely seen as a winner having won two wars and scored victories over environmentalists, the UN and other minority groups. He is a man of impeccable religious stature.
However, the Yale graduate will not be seen during this campaign due to his 'close connections with Tony Blair'. Blair is seen by many as a 'warmonger' who arrogantly mislead parliament and the country into a foreign war and is 'unable to utter a single syllable of the truth'.
Bush: close to Blair
Bush, who recently won an election in America, is widely seen as a winner having won two wars and scored victories over environmentalists, the UN and other minority groups. He is a man of impeccable religious stature.
However, the Yale graduate will not be seen during this campaign due to his 'close connections with Tony Blair'. Blair is seen by many as a 'warmonger' who arrogantly mislead parliament and the country into a foreign war and is 'unable to utter a single syllable of the truth'.
Pope Decision
The Vatican today announced a raft of new reforms for the post JPII era.
In a document entitled "Jesus Christ, It's the Third Millennium!", the Vatican revealed that the position of its Chief Executive, or 'Pope' is to be delivered by job-share.
Rumours are circulating that the front runners for the top job are Britain's Geoff Hoon and Donald 'the Don' Rumsfeld. Both are well known crusaders who enjoy the advantage of a high profile in the Arab world.
Hoon and Rumsfeld: Jobsharers
The new 'Vaticom' - as it now wishes to be known - 'family friendly' reforms also include a more relaxed position on sodomy, which many in the Catholic Church had found uncomfortable.
Women Priests or "Priestettes" as they are now referred to are said to be a long way off. Today's document stated "Let's not get carried away with this, women are still vastly inferior to men"
A spokesman will shortly be making an announcement on drugs, though it is unclear which drugs he will be using.
In a document entitled "Jesus Christ, It's the Third Millennium!", the Vatican revealed that the position of its Chief Executive, or 'Pope' is to be delivered by job-share.
Rumours are circulating that the front runners for the top job are Britain's Geoff Hoon and Donald 'the Don' Rumsfeld. Both are well known crusaders who enjoy the advantage of a high profile in the Arab world.
Hoon and Rumsfeld: Jobsharers
The new 'Vaticom' - as it now wishes to be known - 'family friendly' reforms also include a more relaxed position on sodomy, which many in the Catholic Church had found uncomfortable.
Women Priests or "Priestettes" as they are now referred to are said to be a long way off. Today's document stated "Let's not get carried away with this, women are still vastly inferior to men"
A spokesman will shortly be making an announcement on drugs, though it is unclear which drugs he will be using.
LibDems call Crisis Meeting
The Liberal Democrats held an emergency meeting today after it was reported that men who don't shave every day are 70% more at risk of heart attacks.
This follows the 2003 study which suggested that beer drinkers are 60% more at risk to strokes.
The LibDems crisis meeting is seeking to find a speedy alternative to their current core voter 'beardy real ale drinker' now that it is obvious that he is statistically only likely to vote in 8.22 elections compared to the national average of 12.67.
Shaving story
Drinking story
This follows the 2003 study which suggested that beer drinkers are 60% more at risk to strokes.
The LibDems crisis meeting is seeking to find a speedy alternative to their current core voter 'beardy real ale drinker' now that it is obvious that he is statistically only likely to vote in 8.22 elections compared to the national average of 12.67.
Shaving story
Drinking story
Taxi Driver Politics
Yesterday I saw a London Taxi with a 'Vote Labour' sticker in its rear window.
Taxi-drivers are often derided for their Daily Mail-esque conservative opinions. I wondered what a typical conversation with the leftie cabbie might have been like…
"Immigrants? I'd let 'em all in"
"Paedophiles? Electronically tag 'em and throw 'em into the community"
"Taxes? Too bleedin' low mate"
"Asylum seekers? They don't want bloody lockin' up"
"Criminals? Bloody victims of society that's what they are"
"Michael Jackson? Innocent until proven guilty mate"
Taxi-drivers are often derided for their Daily Mail-esque conservative opinions. I wondered what a typical conversation with the leftie cabbie might have been like…
"Immigrants? I'd let 'em all in"
"Paedophiles? Electronically tag 'em and throw 'em into the community"
"Taxes? Too bleedin' low mate"
"Asylum seekers? They don't want bloody lockin' up"
"Criminals? Bloody victims of society that's what they are"
"Michael Jackson? Innocent until proven guilty mate"
Prescott Minions Forced to the Streets
Thousands of civil servants from the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister (ODPM) were removed from their London HQ this lunchtime.
The ODPM was formed to give Prescott something to do after he had messed up the environmental, transport and regional aspects of the old Department for the Environment, Transport and the Regions (DETR).
Fire alarms were reportedly activated at ODPM's swanky Westminster building, which triggered the evacuation of all of its three and a half thousand civil servant capacity.
Swanky: Eland House
Prezza is sixty-seven next month and rumours are that he may not be in a position to hold onto his bizarrely spread empire for much longer.
ODPM is responsible for housing, planning, local government finance, local democracy, regional assemblies, the government offices for the regions, the social excision unit, the neighbourhood renewal unit, the fire service, regeneration and the Thames Gateway scheme.
Officials were not available to comment on suggestions that the exercise may have been a dry run for 6 May.
How many jags?
The ODPM was formed to give Prescott something to do after he had messed up the environmental, transport and regional aspects of the old Department for the Environment, Transport and the Regions (DETR).
Fire alarms were reportedly activated at ODPM's swanky Westminster building, which triggered the evacuation of all of its three and a half thousand civil servant capacity.
Swanky: Eland House
Prezza is sixty-seven next month and rumours are that he may not be in a position to hold onto his bizarrely spread empire for much longer.
ODPM is responsible for housing, planning, local government finance, local democracy, regional assemblies, the government offices for the regions, the social excision unit, the neighbourhood renewal unit, the fire service, regeneration and the Thames Gateway scheme.
Officials were not available to comment on suggestions that the exercise may have been a dry run for 6 May.
How many jags?
It's like deja-vu all over again
Last night, I heard the words 'sums don't add up' on the news. Again.
It seems all three of our major political parties are using different number systems. The Conservative's plans were slated by Labour and the LibDems, the Labour plans were slated by the Conservatives (and probably the LibDems, but I wasn't paying that much attention) and now the LibDems have their own set of sums that don't add up. I guess it means they're now a proper political party. But, as someone with limited experience in this sort of thing, do any of the parties ever say that the other parties' sums DO add up? Or do they all have press releases prewritten on the day they expect their opponents' manifesti, to the effect thsat the opponents can't count?
It seems all three of our major political parties are using different number systems. The Conservative's plans were slated by Labour and the LibDems, the Labour plans were slated by the Conservatives (and probably the LibDems, but I wasn't paying that much attention) and now the LibDems have their own set of sums that don't add up. I guess it means they're now a proper political party. But, as someone with limited experience in this sort of thing, do any of the parties ever say that the other parties' sums DO add up? Or do they all have press releases prewritten on the day they expect their opponents' manifesti, to the effect thsat the opponents can't count?
Friday, April 15, 2005
Sandra Howard: Nothing of the Night about Michael
Michael Howard's wife has admitted today that there is no longer anything of the night about her husband.
"He used to have something of the night about him… rather a lot actually, but, like all men when they reach their late sixties, it's gradually petered away"
Mr Howard famously wooed former Vouge model Sandra by sending her a copy of F Scott Fitzgerald's 'Tender is the Night'.
Sandra: used to have something of the night
The revelation of Howard's night time prowess came from the unlikely source of Ann Widdecombe in 1997. The image has since stuck and until now Howard has been the subject of much gossip and conjecture regarding his night time aptitude.
"He used to have something of the night about him… rather a lot actually, but, like all men when they reach their late sixties, it's gradually petered away"
Mr Howard famously wooed former Vouge model Sandra by sending her a copy of F Scott Fitzgerald's 'Tender is the Night'.
Sandra: used to have something of the night
The revelation of Howard's night time prowess came from the unlikely source of Ann Widdecombe in 1997. The image has since stuck and until now Howard has been the subject of much gossip and conjecture regarding his night time aptitude.
Rover Bites Blair
Rover Bites Blair
The Rover plant in Longbridge is to close on Blair's watch.
Yesterday, the cat was let out of the bag concerning the £40m that the Governement put into the car manufacturer earlier this week in a desperate effort to keep it afloat before the election.
The whole New Labour strategy for this election has been to make it seem as if Blair isn't an autocratic megalomaniac who doesn't give a stuff what anyone else thinks and portray him as a 'man amongst equals' within the cabinet.
The FT revealed yesterday that Blair had steamrollered Brown and Hewitt to offer a rescue package to the failing Longbridge plant. Hewitt this lunchtime denied this, creating a rod for her own back by claiming the story is "just plain wrong" on Sky News.
Blair has cancelled his campaigning this afternoon, in order to be seen to be personally dealing with the problem.
Six thousand people have been told that they have lost their jobs today.
The Rover plant in Longbridge is to close on Blair's watch.
Yesterday, the cat was let out of the bag concerning the £40m that the Governement put into the car manufacturer earlier this week in a desperate effort to keep it afloat before the election.
The whole New Labour strategy for this election has been to make it seem as if Blair isn't an autocratic megalomaniac who doesn't give a stuff what anyone else thinks and portray him as a 'man amongst equals' within the cabinet.
The FT revealed yesterday that Blair had steamrollered Brown and Hewitt to offer a rescue package to the failing Longbridge plant. Hewitt this lunchtime denied this, creating a rod for her own back by claiming the story is "just plain wrong" on Sky News.
Blair has cancelled his campaigning this afternoon, in order to be seen to be personally dealing with the problem.
Six thousand people have been told that they have lost their jobs today.
Howard Attacks Blair on Ballot Fairness
This year's large increase in postal votes has sparked accusations of potential fraud from the Tories and the LibDems.
Michael Howard said Labour should be "deeply ashamed" of failing to tackle postal vote fraud.
The Tory leader pointed out that a judge in a court case over electoral fraud had dismissed the British voting system as like that of a "banana republic".
The problem has been compounded by the fact that the Tories and LibDems have claimed that Mr Blair already has an unfair advantage by recruiting God to his Election team.
Blair: Direct line to God
God will work alongside Alan Milburn, Alistair Campbell and Peter Mandleson. Peter Mandelson was unavailable for comment when questioned about potential conflicts over the new appointment. His aides said that he was very busy sucking up souls and casting plague famine and pestilence on the world's sinners.
God is understood to be playing a backroom role and is in constant contact with Tony Blair, leaving the frontline duties to Blair's hatchet man Dr John Reid.
Reid: Avenging Angel
Michael Howard said Labour should be "deeply ashamed" of failing to tackle postal vote fraud.
The Tory leader pointed out that a judge in a court case over electoral fraud had dismissed the British voting system as like that of a "banana republic".
The problem has been compounded by the fact that the Tories and LibDems have claimed that Mr Blair already has an unfair advantage by recruiting God to his Election team.
Blair: Direct line to God
God will work alongside Alan Milburn, Alistair Campbell and Peter Mandleson. Peter Mandelson was unavailable for comment when questioned about potential conflicts over the new appointment. His aides said that he was very busy sucking up souls and casting plague famine and pestilence on the world's sinners.
God is understood to be playing a backroom role and is in constant contact with Tony Blair, leaving the frontline duties to Blair's hatchet man Dr John Reid.
Reid: Avenging Angel
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Veritas: We have Policies!
Veritas Policies in full:
Flat Tax at 22% with £12,000 threshold
- Loadsamoney!An end to multiculturalism
- No more Brixton riotsZero tolerance on crime
- Rodney King won't do it againHalt immigration
- "stay back darkie"New bank holiday for St Kilroy Day
- "Hallelujah"Free chewing gum for clubbers
"Bangin'"
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