Scotland and Iraq on concert car-bomb-bombing alert, with guns
Following intelligence suggesting Osama Bin Laden has relocated to the Grampian Mountains, a 30 mile radius around Gleneagles Hotel has been napalmed, under Anti-Terror laws. No-one important has been reported to be injured, though it is believed that more than a million peaceful protesters were in the area at the time. Their families have been informed, and were told that they should have seen it coming.
In an unrelated story, a car bomb to the north of Baghdad, which today killed ten people, has been linked to insurgents. The US military has been very clear that they were insurgents, not terrorists, militants or rebels, though they have refused to clarify what the difference between these terms is anyway.
Bono and Bob Geldof were reported to be appalled, and will be working towords an 'Insurgent Aid' concert later in the year. It is expected that the area around the concert will be subject to Anti-Terror laws, and probably bombed by Chris Martin from Coldplay, with explosive cars. Martin has recently been suffering from Charity Fatigue, and is expected to snap at any moment. Audience members at Glastonbury are also advised to wear bulletproof vests during Coldplay's set.
(Aside - Do you think I got lost in too many ideas in this post?)
In an unrelated story, a car bomb to the north of Baghdad, which today killed ten people, has been linked to insurgents. The US military has been very clear that they were insurgents, not terrorists, militants or rebels, though they have refused to clarify what the difference between these terms is anyway.
Bono and Bob Geldof were reported to be appalled, and will be working towords an 'Insurgent Aid' concert later in the year. It is expected that the area around the concert will be subject to Anti-Terror laws, and probably bombed by Chris Martin from Coldplay, with explosive cars. Martin has recently been suffering from Charity Fatigue, and is expected to snap at any moment. Audience members at Glastonbury are also advised to wear bulletproof vests during Coldplay's set.
(Aside - Do you think I got lost in too many ideas in this post?)
nope spot on - I see three themes:
people die as a result of both terrorists and governments
the language of conflict is as important as a body-count in asymetrical warfare
and;
"Bono and Bob Geldof were reported to be appalled...[and]...Chris Martin... suffering from Charity Fatigue" is sheer genius :-)
Posted by
Ben |
Fri Jun 03, 12:29:00 pm
Asymetrical warfare! That's the phrase I was trying to remember yesterday. Can't remember why now. I'm still on the 'Killing people is killing people whether you're at war or not' thing, so it's probably not important.
Posted by
Matt |
Fri Jun 03, 12:57:00 pm
Governments that don't bomb or maim people aren't terrorists! Maybe it'd be better to say governments are made up of real people?
Posted by
Matt |
Fri Jun 03, 03:04:00 pm
bummer - hate to be the unifying force here, but I agree with both of you…
Posted by
Ben |
Fri Jun 03, 03:33:00 pm
That's like saying 'Name me one dog that has a leg and a bladder that has never pissed on something'. If they've got an army, they've probably killed people, if we mean nations. But I'm sure there are governments who haven't. The 1997 Labour Government took a few years to get blood on its hands, for example.
And I haven't killed anyone yet, which is the important bit.
Posted by
Matt |
Fri Jun 03, 04:54:00 pm
Well - quite aside from that (and perhaps we could say they were left some maiming to do from their predecessors, though I don't care for either of them at the moment, and I'm happy for governments to be terrorists with the 'support of their people'), Ben, you're right on two counts, dead wrong on one. Kind words about my Martin Charity Fatigue thing though (stolen from somewhere I think).
My feelings were not that language was important, but quite the opposite. The detailed efforts I assigned to the US Military to deliniate between militants, rebewls, terrorists, freedom fighters, soldiers, locals and whoever else were distinctly tongue in cheek. The whole point is more of my controversial 'Killing people is wrong' campaign, that the words you assign people really don't matter. I didn't follow your astonishment at the BBC using the word 'militants ' about two 'very different' groups at all. They were both killing people for their own reasons, why not call them murderers? "Today, Iraqi murderers bombed a car in North Baghdad". "Irish murderers have shot..." "Palestinian murderers..." "Israeli murderers..." "Afghan murderers..." Maybe it would make the profession less appealing. Militants has a sort of chic to it, terrorists could even be something those so labelled could feel good about. Murderers is suitably damning for all of them
And another thing - every now and then I hear about suicide bombers claiming X number of lives 'including the bomber'. The bomber doesn't count. If you're bloody-minded enough to go and blow yourself up in the middle of a bunch of innocent civilians, then the world is better off with you dead. People found with explosives strapped to them should, if the opportunity arises, be taken out into the desert, tied to something immovable, and left with the button in their hand. Do it to yourself now, when you won't be a martyr and won't go straight to heaven, you cowardly fuck. Or better still, take the explosives away from them, and wait for them to dessicate.
(Note to self - don't post late at night again)
Posted by
Matt |
Sat Jun 04, 11:37:00 pm