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US: Bin Laden "nearly" Caught

The head of the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) has told Time Magazine that he has "an excellent idea" of Osama Bin Laden's whereabouts.

The interview with Porter Goss was conducted amidst great secrecy and complex security arrangements. CIA officials have refused to comment on accusations that the CIA director was four hours late for the rendezvous due to confusion with the location, blaming "liberal media bias".

Bin Laden is said to be hiding "over there somewhere [asia]" and travelling using a "network of Arabs and other such people", changing his location in order to confuse the post office.


CIA Artist's Impression of Bin Laden

Attempts to track down the world's most wanted man by typing his postcode into multimap have so far failed. CIA operatives are now working on a method to entice the Saudi Billionaire to break cover, current rumours of the Spice Girls re-uniting are said to be part of this strategy.