The Policy Blender

For lunch today, I had a sausage, a portion of chips and a couple of chicken wings.

Here is a list of organisations who would have found this meal unpalatable:

• Judaism - for at least 30% of the sausage, and the unkosherness of the chicken.
• Islam - for much the same reason as the Jews, but because of the lack of uttering of a different name for God when the chicken died.
• My employers - who would have observed that not one ounce fo the meal was produced organically.
• The Vegetarian Society - for all of the chicken and about 30% of the sausage.
• The Vegan Society - for all of the above, and the fact that the oil the chips were cooked in was also used for fish.
• The Battery Hen Welfare Trust - I bet those wings never saw the light of day
• The Campaign for Real Food - because the sausage may as well have been a breadstick.
• The British Heart Foundation - who would prefer me to have a functioning heart than a big plate of lardy potato and cheaply manufactured, deep fried meat.

Here is a list of people who would have approved of my choice:

• The British Potato Council - the chips had to have some spud in them.
• The British Chicken Association - the wings had to have some chicken in them.
• The National Pig Association - though they would have preferred less bread and more pork in my sausage.
• Fat Acceptance - who would encourage me to be as bloated as I wanted.
• Manshop - Clothes for fat people.

Here is a photo of the only person I considered on making this choice:

• Me

What are all these organisations doing? They're not trying hard enough!

Posted by Matt on Wednesday, July 20, 2005 at 12:26 pm | Permalink