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John Reid has 24 hours to save us from Terrorists

The Home Secretary is proposing a new Whitehall department responsible for national security and counter-terrorism.

The new unit, known as CTU, which is short for ‘Catchy but Totally Useless’, will operate by opening up sockets, running protocols, disobeying orders from Division and torturing people until they confess everything.

Speaking at a press conference this morning Mr Reid said “Damnit we haven’t got enough time, you’re just going to have to trust me”.

The new head of the Unit will be Alistair ‘kill them until they die from it’ Campbell.


I don't think it's gross incompetence to shoot a few innocents once in a while.

Keeps people on their toes.


Hey, he wasn't innocent. Everyone is guilty of something.

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