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The Hand of Morris?

The BBC getting' down wit the homies and churnin' out the rap on the coolest street-speak? Anyone else smell the work of Chris Morris?



Let's look at the evidence:

boom boom - a slogan of approval in inner-city London. There was much debate during the election campaign about whether Tony Blair was booed or boomed at the Lilian Bayliss Technology School in London.

bum - to enjoy something: "he bums that game so much". And there are levels of bummage - to really like something is to "bum it blue", but "he bummed it black" means he used to like it but has since gone off it.

crump - a multi-purpose term which can be an insult, an exclamation and a rather explicit sex act. It generally means bad, but can also mean good, depending on the context: "that ain't good man, it's crump" or "that's one crump message you left there".

Hmm…


MORRIS: Firing public servants. Do you approve?

MAN: I approve.

MORRIS: In all circumstances?

MAN: Er, yes, yes.

MORRIS: So once they've made a mistake?

MAN: No, give them one chance.

MORRIS: And then fire them.

MAN: Definitely, yes.

MORRIS: Heavily?

MAN: Heavily, yes.

MORRIS: And who would you fire them at?

MAN: Their governors.


MORRIS: Hello, peasant.

MAN IN LEATHER JACKET [as if reading from a cue card]: How do you do.

MORRIS: If you could read out this complaint which you have just written?

MAN: I shall indeed.

MORRIS: Grasp the candle.

MAN: Sorry?

MORRIS: And bang on.

MAN: And bang on. [Starts reading] I would like to complain about the entirely slack monitoring of the shape of broadcasters' mouths. As a recruitment officer, I know it is a simple matter when appointing staff to filter out those with unusual or disgusting mouths at the interview stage. Yet our screens are plagued with the likes Gavin Estlar, whose mouth is not only so ill-governed it looks like it is trying to escape from his face, but is grotesquely lopsided. A balanced view from that? In a chimp's cock. Surely the time has come for the BBC to face up to this demoralising assault and sack anyone... [turns the page] ...whose mouth does not conform to a reasonable standard. Perhaps mine. Point at mouth. Regular, neat and I've had the stretch marks dealt with. Do it or I'll ram you up your own... fudge tunnels? Thank you.

(see more on this site.)

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