Doctors call for ban on being a moron
What the hell is this?! Doctors are now calling for a ban on long, pointy kitchen knives, due to the stabbing risk they present.
Why not ban shoes, for the head-kicking risk they present? Why not ban string, for the strangling risk? Why not ban clothes, as they could be stuffed in someones mouth and used to suffocate people?
And people can still buy chainsaws without a license, and they can still buy shotguns 'for hunting purposes'. If people want to kill each other, they'll find a way. But if people want to roast a chicken, then carve it, they're going to find it very difficult to do with a spoon.
Why not ban shoes, for the head-kicking risk they present? Why not ban string, for the strangling risk? Why not ban clothes, as they could be stuffed in someones mouth and used to suffocate people?
And people can still buy chainsaws without a license, and they can still buy shotguns 'for hunting purposes'. If people want to kill each other, they'll find a way. But if people want to roast a chicken, then carve it, they're going to find it very difficult to do with a spoon.
I consider the logic to be sound... well, as sound as the logic behind legislation forcing people to fit regulators to their taps so that they don't make their bath too hot (new.telegraph.co.uk) . Why not just lock people in rooms with cushioned walls and be done with it. Knives don't kill people, people do. I can only assume this call to ban pointy things is intended to stop 'crimes of passion' where the perpotrator has reduced capacity. That is in the heat of the moment a kitchen knife happens to be there, they're angry so they strike. Well, surely these unhinged people should be dealt with instead. I'd rather such people that can't control their anger, these potential road rage psychos were not wandering around anyway. Can people not restrain themselves?
Anyway, what about the times where the trusty kitchen knife has been used in self defence, perhaps to save the abused housewife from another serious beating by her cowardly f**k of a wife beating husband.
Don't worry kitchen knives.. I still love you even if Prescott and his nanny state supporters don't.
Posted by
Anonymous |
Fri May 27, 10:04:00 am
A better idea: all sharp kitchen knives to be fitted with cattle-prod style electric shock devices. Then people who use them for stabbing in the heat of the moment will be thrown across the room, and people who want to carve chickens can carefully and rationally switch the electric shock off.
Posted by
Matt |
Fri May 27, 10:48:00 am
I wouldn't truse people to turn the electric shock mechanism back on after they've finished carving the chicken (why are we picking on chickens all of a sudden?) so there would have to be a timing mechanism so that it turned itself back on. Although, woe betide the poor person on a quiet Sunday that takes too long to carve (insert any kind of fruit, vegetable or indeed animal).
Actually, small point... how is the electric shock disarmed without first picking the knife up? I sense a design floor here. Solutions on a postcard to the usual address...
Posted by
Anonymous |
Fri May 27, 12:35:00 pm
You know, because of this story, someone I met over the weekend will remember me by the phrase "It's not dangerous unless its at least 8in long".
Posted by
Matt |
Tue May 31, 08:45:00 am