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Nun banned from shopping centre

A shopping centre in Hastings became the first to eject a member of holy orders for wearing a 'hoodie' today. Sister Margaret Jennings, of the Order of St. Clare, has been told she will not be welcomed back into the Priory Meadow Shopping Centre. Jennings, 84, was said to be outraged at the decision, and insisted that she was obliged to wear the hood as part of her habits.

Meanwhile, in nearby Eastbourne, a youngster was forced to wear hush puppies, instead of his usual Nike trainers, for the next 12 months, as part of an anti social behaviour order. It is hoped that wearing soft leather shoes, as well as a pair of corduroy trousers, will make other members of the public feel less threatened by the youth, who cannot be named for spurious reasons.


Yeah! Stick it to those pesky nuns. They're always causing a nusence. Hanging out in big groups in holy buildings, praying all day, teaching the work of God. Damn right that these antisocial individuals should be banned from shopping centres. In fact slap ASBOs on 'em and force 'em to do community service teaching buddism to members of the UKIP; that'll teach 'em.

I assume also that Muslim women who cover their heads for regious reasons will be treated similarly? Maybe, maybe not in this climate of positive discrimination.

Either way, where is the sanity? If only common sense were a commodity we could dish out to those less fortunate than ourselves.


A small girl apprehended by heroic BlueWater security personnel yesterday - allegedly “picking up a cake for her grandma” – issued a statement to police today remarking upon how shiny their handcuffs are.

The hooded adolescent will be sentenced tomorrow.


"What big truncheons you have!"

"All the better to beat you with, my dear".

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